Thursday, August 28, 2014

Rules for Dealing with a S5C (Stage 5 Clinger)

Lets talk about how to deal (and not deal) with a Stage 5 Clinger (S5C).

First, let's set the stage. I went to check my email around lunch time-- and there it was. Yet another email from an ex who quite frankly is a pretty advanced S5C. This was pretty much my reaction.

Rule Number 1: DO NOT OPEN THE DAMN EMAIL. Which of course, I did. This was the third follow up email to a Facebook event invite I never responded to (and no we are not friends on Facebook). Long and short he was very disappointed I was not supportive and did not attend said event. Even though I did not respond to said event's invite or follow up emails about said event, prior to (wait for it) said event.

Rule Number 2: DO NOT RESPOND TO THE DAMN EMAIL. Which of course, I did. And so I explained to him, once again, that we were not going to be friends, hence why I had not responded to previous correspondence. Specific reasons including him texting a girlfriend of mine, saying some rather uncouth things about me, and then attempting to have her come over for a "movie night". For the record, never in the history of the world has a guy text a girl to come over and "watch a movie" -- and planned on watching the whole movie.

Rule Number 3: NEVER EVER OPEN A G-CHAT REQUEST FROM A S5C. Which of course, I did. And I got the "why are you being so mean to me" question. Insert exasperation.


Rule Number 4: NEVER EVER ENGAGE IN A G-CHAT WITH A S5C. But I did of course. I responded basically with what I said in my email to him. Which of course then turns into Kelly is the meanest/selfish person on the planet comments, in real time. Followed by, but I still wish you would just be my friend.  At this point I'm ready to slam my head on my desk.

And when it became clear he wasn't going to get his friend wish, things went downhill pretty quickly. S5C can become Stage 5 Crazy in a blink of an eye. It began with the old "well I've talked to people  you know" (of course you have) and they think you are mean/selfish as well rebuttal. Right. Because my friends have nothing better to do but randomly reach out to an ex of mine they barely know and say things that aren't true. Sure, that seems legit.

Rule Number 5: DO NOT LET A S5C PUSH YOUR BUTTONS. Which I did, of course. Basically we took the retro train back to middle school and he informed me that next time he saw me in public (which would probably be never), he would embarrass the (and I quote) "sh*t out of me".

Yep, that actually happened y'all. At this point I had two options. This:

Or what I did. I thanked him for being a class act, told him to stay out of my life, and then finished with what I consider the definitive final answer to many of lifes hard conversations.


He then called me an ice queen and disconnected. My response was this.

I hope you find this useful the next time you have the unfortunate encounter with an S5C.

Wordless Wednesday

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Leap And The Net Will Appear

Today is my 325th post here, which seems crazy. So for this milestone, I'm going to talk about Tuesday, August the 26th. Because yesterday was a damn good day.

It began with the usual routine of coffee, a Jimmy Dean Delight breakfast sandwich, and me lounging a little too long before getting ready for work. However, with the promise of a date at lunch time, I took extra care in getting ready and kicking up my weekday look just a notch.

I logged into my grad school portal and got focused. I'm not usually a procrastinator when it comes to school, but I think there was some fears hiding deep down inside if I was ready for this. Well the 100% refund period was over, the dotted lined signed on my student loan and work reimbursement documents, and like it or not, I was registered and expected to engage. Once I got logged in, reviewed the syllabus and started engaging in discussions and readings, it was like a riding a bike. I sometimes forget this nice little zen saying:

Now I've got my course schedules and deadlines and am ready to rock and roll this first semester.

A little before noon, I headed to my lunch date.  Lets just say after quite a few rather bad dates, over the last few weeks, my expectation meter was set pretty low. So you can imagine my surprise when he was completely hotter in person than in his online dating profile photos. This never ever happens with online dating, like ever.  I kinda felt like I had won the lottery y'all. I'd like to take a moment to thank the dating gods for throwing me a bone.

Truth be told, however, this guy was kinda out of my league looks wise (after 15 years of dating one must really be realistic of this kind of thing), so I'm not sure we will go out again, but nevertheless on a random Tuesday lunch hour, I got an hour with a hot guy, which is exactly what I needed to snap me out of a dating funk. After leaving said date with said ridiculously hot man, my step was a little lighter, my smile a little brighter, and overall I was feeling like a million bucks.

Now this is the part where I am going to look slightly bad or slightly bad ass, depending on how you view dating. But I had also set up a second date yesterday. What, what?! Yeah, I know. This other guy I was talking to asked me out for drinks after work. And its not often I wear a new dress and spray tan my legs on a Wednesday, so I thought, why not. Might as well not waste a fabulous hair day. However, by 3pm I had not heard from him and figured it was a bust-- so I left work early and headed home for with full intention of working out and going to bed early. But then my friend invited me downtown for for a celebratory happy hour at Baby A's-- and I decided to say yes and meet her.

We had two of their famous purple concoctions. They won't tell you what is in them. They will however, limit you to two. Which is more than enough. Even eating while drinking those two was not enough to keep me from quite the tipsylicious. So instead of driving home, because quite frankly I couldn't, my friend suggested a long walk.

And so we walked. Walked down the lovely sidewalks and tree lined paths that sit upon Town Lake. And kept walking until the path ended. But we didn't stop. We kept walking to the local HEB. And picked up two adult beverages and then started walking back. We walked along the newly built boardwalk that lays over the lake and provides the most spectacular views of the skyline.

After walking for a while, we decided to take a break and sit on the boardwalk, which was lined with pretty twinkle lights underneath the handrail. My friend and I sat there for an over an hour just talking. Not twenty-five feet from us, a group had also sat down with a bottle of wine and a guitar. They played music, which was a nice backdrop to a lovely summer evening. And as we talked bikers, runners, dog walkers, and couples on their first dates walked by us. It was one of those nights that makes me so grateful I live in a city like Austin, where people still smile and enjoy the simple things like a walk on a summer night.

While I had been out with my friend, second date guy had text me that his phone had died. I 70% believed him. Nevertheless I let him know happy hour had turned into girl time --- and so we made plans to have a lunch date this week.

So there it is, what was my Tuesday, August the 26th. A new journey of knowledge, a hot date to lighten my step, a wonderful night with a friend, and the promise of a possible romance in the future.

And yesterday is why I always have something to blog about. Because even an ordinary Tuesday has something worth noting.

Thanks for reading y'all.