First, let's set the stage. I went to check my email around lunch time-- and there it was. Yet another email from an ex who quite frankly is a pretty advanced S5C. This was pretty much my reaction.
Rule Number 1: DO NOT OPEN THE DAMN EMAIL. Which of course, I did. This was the third follow up email to a Facebook event invite I never responded to (and no we are not friends on Facebook). Long and short he was very disappointed I was not supportive and did not attend said event. Even though I did not respond to said event's invite or follow up emails about said event, prior to (wait for it) said event.
Rule Number 2: DO NOT RESPOND TO THE DAMN EMAIL. Which of course, I did. And so I explained to him, once again, that we were not going to be friends, hence why I had not responded to previous correspondence. Specific reasons including him texting a girlfriend of mine, saying some rather uncouth things about me, and then attempting to have her come over for a "movie night". For the record, never in the history of the world has a guy text a girl to come over and "watch a movie" -- and planned on watching the whole movie.
Rule Number 3: NEVER EVER OPEN A G-CHAT REQUEST FROM A S5C. Which of course, I did. And I got the "why are you being so mean to me" question. Insert exasperation.
Rule Number 4: NEVER EVER ENGAGE IN A G-CHAT WITH A S5C. But I did of course. I responded basically with what I said in my email to him. Which of course then turns into Kelly is the meanest/selfish person on the planet comments, in real time. Followed by, but I still wish you would just be my friend. At this point I'm ready to slam my head on my desk.
And when it became clear he wasn't going to get his friend wish, things went downhill pretty quickly. S5C can become Stage 5 Crazy in a blink of an eye. It began with the old "well I've talked to people you know" (of course you have) and they think you are mean/selfish as well rebuttal. Right. Because my friends have nothing better to do but randomly reach out to an ex of mine they barely know and say things that aren't true. Sure, that seems legit.
Rule Number 5: DO NOT LET A S5C PUSH YOUR BUTTONS. Which I did, of course. Basically we took the retro train back to middle school and he informed me that next time he saw me in public (which would probably be never), he would embarrass the (and I quote) "sh*t out of me".
Yep, that actually happened y'all. At this point I had two options. This:
Or what I did. I thanked him for being a class act, told him to stay out of my life, and then finished with what I consider the definitive final answer to many of lifes hard conversations.
He then called me an ice queen and disconnected. My response was this.